It’s no secret that this adoption thing has been really hard for me. Really. Hard. I’ve written about it several times before, but have purposely avoided writing about it more often than not. The primary reason is that I am fully aware that no one likes to listen to a broken record – especially if it’s a downer.
My story has stayed the same for long periods at a time, and the progress with my attitude and emotions towards the littles has been extremely gradual and sloooow. Because of that, I haven’t had many breakthrough moments where I realize I’ve reached a turning point prompting me to rejoice and share my progress.
Well, Jeff and I are very fortunate in that a well known adoption ministry is right in our backyard. Each year they hold an adoption conference dealing with all issues adoption. Other adoptive parents have suggested we attend this conference in previous years, but we just have not been ready. We were so steeped in physical and emotional exhaustion that the last thing we wanted to do was take time a full weekend to process through “issues.” We had no energy for processing. Well, now it’s time.
This weekend Jeff and I are attending the annual conference and a full day attachment workshop. What it seems like you would do is just send off the littles to have their issues ‘fixed,’ however, there’s an intrinsic flaw with that. Our adopted children are not the problem. Yes, there are some attachment issues in play, and yes, they both have some fear and anxiety problems to work through, but they are not the problem. I am. I am the one who can’t get past herself to give them what they need. I am the one who fails to allow the Lord to love them through me time and time again. I am the problem. There has never been anything in my life that has exposed the depths of my sin like adoption has. I hope and pray that in the near future the Lord will transform my heart into one that will parent H&H the way that He parents me.
Mom to Many says
Thank you so much for writing about the “stuff no one wants to talk about”… while I have no adopted kiddies, I have 5 of my own + 2 bonus kids (aka stepkids). It’s HARD. Really, really hard. I love them, & my husband loves mine. (He was able to adopt my 4 last year because their “real dad”- a term which I loathe- was no longer interested in being dad… we also had 1 kiddo together.) But it is so hard trying to love them as they have an actively sabotaging “mom” who does her best to make my bonus kids hate me. Btw, my 7 kids are 11 yrs and younger… so the attachment to their “real mom” is great. I really needed to read this post of yours, in the middle of the night, because it’s so very difficult to say out loud (let alone to another person for fear of judgment) that it’s hard parenting beautiful, perfect, God-given children who come to you through a means other than birth. I commend you, & I thank you for your honesty. I knew you must have been a sister in heaven when I read your post about participation trophies… which was the 1st one I saw on your blog, & led me to look further! Best of luck in your mom’ing! 🙂